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 Post subject: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:37 am 
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Its late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in Mattawa asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.


Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.


Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the Weather Network and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'


'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.


So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.


A week later, he called the Weather Network again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'


'Yes,' the man at Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'


The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.


Two weeks later, the chief called the Weather Network again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'


'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'


'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Because the Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'

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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:52 pm 
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Location: Farnborough, Hampshire.
:lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:00 pm 
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If you can read this without laughing, you must be devoid of laughter cells...... This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 1970's. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes. The irony is that the BBC received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read.......
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light lucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge harriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince hen uddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:10 pm
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Location: Farnborough, Hampshire.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2013 11:06 am 
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*FIFTY SHADES OF GREY*
> (a husband's point of view)
> By Pam Ayres

The missus brought a Paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag:
. T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

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Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.


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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2013 2:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:10 pm
Posts: 1061
Location: Farnborough, Hampshire.
:lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: on the lighter side
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2013 3:42 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:47 am
Posts: 2678
Location: Dog House
:lol:

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