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 Post subject: help the aged
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:00 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 6:10 pm
Posts: 1461
---


Dear Mr Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also.....
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

_________________
Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.


Last edited by jim on Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: help the aged
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:05 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:43 am
Posts: 257
put me down for some, Jim, PLEASE

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A New Broom Sweeps Clean


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 Post subject: Re: help the aged
PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 6:10 pm
Posts: 1461
GRANDPARENTS ANSWERING MACHINE



Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but,please Leave your message after you hear the beep.



beeeeeppp ....



If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.



If you need us to stay with the children, press 2



If you want to borrow the car, press 3



If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4



If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5



If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6



If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home,



press 7



If you want to come to eat here, press 8



If you need money,press 9



If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater, start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"



WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?



(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)



Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.



A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!



Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them … They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.



When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.



They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'



They don't say, 'Hurry up.'



Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.



They wear glasses and funny underwear.



They can take their teeth and gums out.



Grandparents don't have to be smart.



They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'



When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.



Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.



They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.



GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!



It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

_________________
Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.


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